Enjoy your time here and check back soon to see what's new!
If you have a joke or photo you'd like to share feel free to email me with it. After all laughter is good for us!
Strangers are just friends waiting to happen.
Friends are the Bacon Bits in the Salad Bowl of Life!!
For all you "smart" people out there. What's your IQ? Careful, you may not be as smart as you think you are. For the quick minds among you! You've got to be quick. Have fun! IQ Test
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a seven hundred ten. We all looked at each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven hundred ten?" She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I lost it and I need a new one." She replied that she did not know what the piece was for, but that it had always been there. The owner of the shop gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw a picture of what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it she wrote 710. He then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, it's right there."
When you've had an absolutely "I hate my job" day - try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section.
You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.....
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy.....
Change to very comfortable clothing, such as a sweat suit, and lie down on your bed......
Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken.....
Take out the material that comes with the thermometer and read it.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson is personally tested".....
Now close your eyes and repeat out loud five times:
"I am so glad I don't work for quality control at the Johnson and Johnson Company".
Have a nice day and remember, there is always someone with a worse job than yours!
Subject: Teddy Stoddard
As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's past records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise. Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners... he is a joy to be around." His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle." ! His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken." Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class."
By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy's. His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to." After the children left, she cried for at least an hour.
On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's pets."
A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life. Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.
Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... the letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married. He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs.Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the uaually reserved place for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference."
Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't know how to teach until I met you."
This is really quick and accurate.... check out the... Age Calculator
Take a quick Stress Test to see if you are stressed!
A teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC" On being asked what the "DC" stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
Dress Code For Over 50
Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together:
A nose ring and bifocals.
Spiked hair and bald spots.
A pierced tongue and dentures.
Miniskirts and support hose.
Ankle bracelets and corn pads.
Speedo's and cellulite.
A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar.
Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor.
Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge.
Bikinis and liver spots.
Short shorts and varicose veins.
Inline skates and a cane..
But, otherwise, WE'RE LOOKIN' GOOD
_________________________________
Subject: Was This Before Your Time?
We licked the beaters and didn't have anyone telling us we were going to become deathly ill from eating batter with raw eggs in it!
At Easter time, we had our dyed Easter eggs in a nest on the counter and they sat out at room temperature for the week after Easter. We would peel one whenever we felt like it.
I Can't Believe We Made It!
If you lived as a child in the 40's, 50's, 60's or 70's. Looking back, it's hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have... As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.
Not to mention hitchhiking to town as a young kid!
And walking to school .. if you missed that ONE bus..
We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors.
Your date opened the car door for you, after coming to the house to pick you up At the Door !
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable.
We played dodge ball and sometimes the ball would really hurt.
We got cut, broke bones and broke teeth, and there were no law suits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame, but us. Remember accidents?
We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.
We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda but we were never overweight...we were always outside playing games, we shared grape soda with four friends, from one bottle and no one died from this.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, video games at all, 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, Personal Computers, Internet chat rooms ... we had friends.
We went outside and found them.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rung the bell and just walked in and talked to them.
Imagine such a thing.
Without asking a parent! By ourselves! Out there in the cold, cruel world! Without a guardian. How did we do it?
We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
Little League had tryouts ! and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't, had to learn to deal with disappointment.... Some students weren't as smart as others so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade.....Horrors. Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. No one to hide behind. The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law, imagine that!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors, ever.
The past 50 years has been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all. And you're one of them.
We had respect for anyone older than ourselves, and we said yes sir, no sir, please and thank You without thinking about it !!
Congratulations!
We were lucky to have lived these slower, more beautiful days, when life was a bit more friendlier.This generation doesn't know what they have missed....
When you are ready to buy or sell a home, remember to call Diane....
Diane McCombs Ocala Real Estate Roberts Real Estate, Inc. 115 N.E. 8th Ave. Ocala, FL 34470
By submitting any form on this site with your contact information including name, telephone number, address and/or e-mail address, you are consenting for Diane McCombs and her representatives to contact you even if your name is on the Federal "Do Not Call List".
Information on this site is believed to be reliable, but is not guaranteed.
